


tell you my sins

by bby_bxrnes



Series: the barisi collection [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe- Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BDSM, Bisexual Dominick “Sonny” Carisi Jr., Blow Jobs, Bondage, Catholic Character, Catholic Guilt, Catholicism, Collars, Coming Out, Confessional, Crisis of Faith, Developing Relationship, Dom Rafael Barba, Dom/sub, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Gay Rafael Barba, Gentle Dom Rafael Barba, Hand Feeding, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Impact Play, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kink Negotiation, Kneeling, Love Confessions, M/M, Masochism, Mutual Pining, Priest AU, Priest Dominick “Sonny” Carisi Jr., Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, Secret Relationship, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Spanking, Sub Dominick “Sonny” Carisi Jr., Sweet Dominick “Sonny” Carisi Jr.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:49:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23273494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bby_bxrnes/pseuds/bby_bxrnes
Summary: Father Sonny Carisi has been a priest at St. Andrew’s parish in Manhattan for almost ten years. One day a strange but intriguing man begins to show up every Sunday at mass, at first, only staying moments before leaving again. At his first confessional, the man confides in Sonny about his sexuality and the guilt he’s been feeling over it. Before he knows it, Sonny finds himself gravitating towards the man, questioning his own attractions, and questioning his faith along with it.After giving into his desires, Rafael shows Sonny a new side of sex, a way for Sonny to feel like he's being being absolved of his sins and feeling good in the process.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: the barisi collection [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610416
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	tell you my sins

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back to the Barisi fic collection, there are going to be 30 different works in this series, all except one are based off of a random prompt found off of the website https://prompts.neocities.org
> 
> Some works have multiple chapters, some are only single chapters that lean more towards a quick drabble than a full fic. Some will be explicit, some won't be.
> 
> This is the fic that is not inspired by any of the remade prompts, this is completely self indulgent and will get pretty filthy.
> 
> The title is from the song "Take Me To Church" by Hozier
> 
> I hope you enjoy, don't forget to give kudos, and comments are always appreciated!

At age five, if anyone had asked Sonny what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would’ve said something along the lines of a fireman or a racecar driver. But as he got older, his answer was consistent. By the age of 10, Sonny knew he wanted to become a priest. Some of his classmates teased him mercilessly for it, especially in high school. Boys would make snide remarks about the fact that he’d never be able to have sex or date, or even get married or have a family of his own. 

But none of that ever deterred Sonny from his chosen career path. His parents were proud of his choice and would get plenty of grandchildren from his sisters, and that was all that mattered to him. So after he graduated from Fordham University with his bachelor’s degree in Theology & Religious Studies, he found the best seminary in the entire state of New York and immediately applied, wanting to get a headstart on his career. 

By the time he finished seminary and was _finally_ ordained, he was 24, and one of the youngest priests in New York. 

It was only a few weeks after he returned home from seminary that St. Andrew’s offered him a position, and it was too good to pass up. He started off with the smaller masses, ones that only those with odd work hours were able to attend, but he was grateful to be doing what he loved. 

As time progressed, he began to take over some of the large Sunday morning masses, giving the more senior priest, Father Lawrence, some days off. The more sermons he gave, the more people began to warm up to him, to connect with him. Nothing warmed his heart more than when parishioners would track him down after mass to compliment him on his sermon, or even just ask for advice, which he happily gave as best as he could. 

Then, Father Lawrence passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack, and Sonny was left as the only priest left at St. Andrew’s. Amidst mourning for his fellow priest, a man he’d looked to as a mentor, the diocese offered to locate another priest to take over the man’s position, if Sonny was not ready to take on all the responsibilities himself. 

But the thought of an outsider coming into their parish and trying to fill the hole that was left behind after Father Lawrence’s death made Sonny more than a little uneasy. How could the new father know that Janice (who always sat in the front pew, right in the middle) was a hugger and would talk your ear off for hours after mass had ended? Or that Andrew (last pew on the left-most side) was a recovering heroin addict that needed all the support and guidance he could get?

It just didn’t sit right with Sonny. 

So he said he was ready. Ready to be the head priest at St. Andrew’s after only being there for a year and a half. 

At first, it was overwhelming when he got the new list of his responsibilities, Sonny was suddenly very aware of how much Father Lawrence actually handled, on top of being a pillar of the community. 

He started losing sleep, staying up late budgeting and planning fundraisers and events to aid the community, writing sermons, and running around the city to provide aid to anyone who needed it. 

But the responsibility that began to weigh on him the most was when he took confessions from regular members of the congregation, and even some strangers who had wandered in, needing someone to talk to. In the beginning, Sonny had trouble compartmentalizing what he was told in confession and what he knew of those confessing their deepest secrets to him. 

Some confessions were as tame as using the Lord’s name in vain, but others were more trying. One woman who he’d thought was the sweetest person he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing had confessed that she was beginning to have homicidal thoughts. 

In that moment, Sonny had felt helpless. On one hand, he felt responsible to notify the police of the potential threat she posed, but on the other, he was bound by the seal of confessional. 

That same woman was arrested not two weeks later, Sonny’s counseling that night had not been enough for her to keep those thoughts at bay (Sonny was up the whole night questioning why he had chosen this career path).

It was times like these when Sonny wishes he had someone that _he_ could confide in, to find comfort in. He knew he could pray, and hope that God would take away his uncertainty and help him to cope, but he found that it’s just not quite the same as having someone physically there. . 

Sonny feels guilty, but everyone tells him it comes with the religion. He knows he should’ve been prepared for the solitude, the inability to be able to have someone to cohabitate with in an intimate way. 

Sonny falls into a routine over the years. Prep the sermon, pay the bills, plan the budget, host a fundraiser, meet with the board, answer his emails, preach at masses, smile and charm the congregation, take confessions. 

Before he knew it, ten years at Saint Andrew’s had passed. He was now considered the senior priest (he hated that the title made him feel old, though he’s only in his mid-thirties), and he had two younger priests working under him. 

Sonny prides himself in knowing the face and name of every regular in his congregation. Of course there have been many that have come and gone, but he was dedicated to doing his job thoroughly, trying to be the pillar that his predecessor was. 

Of course, he always notices visitors, usually those visiting the city who need to go to their weekly mass. He does his best to give them a warm welcome after mass before they slip away to go on with their day, he wants everyone to feel welcome. After all, that’s the whole point isn’t it?

But there’s always those guests who are just there as part of a routine, ones who disappear before Sonny is able to approach them. Those are the people Sonny desperately wants to try to connect with. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day starts like any other Sunday, Sonny waking with his alarm and taking a moment to orient himself. He takes a deep breath through his nose, then heaves himself up into a sitting position, rubbing a hand over his face as he rolls out of bed and slides his feet into his slippers. 

He makes his way to the tiny kitchen in his apartment to start the coffee pot, returning to his bathroom to take a quick shower while it brews. It takes Sonny almost no time to shave and fix his hair up, this having been his routine for years now. 

Sonny dresses in minutes, adjusting the clerical collar of his shirt and slipping his feet into his black oxfords. He puts his phone and wallet into his pockets before heading back to the kitchen, filling a travel mug with coffee before leaving to walk the few blocks to the church, enjoying the crisp autumn air.   
Sonny greets the various secretaries with a kind smile as he heads to his office to make the final preparations before the morning’s mass, eventually heading to the dressing room to pull the colorful chasuble over his suit, brushing his hair back into place. 

Mass goes smoothly, though he’s momentarily distracted during his sermon when a new face slips in, a dark haired man who stands near the back until the end, not bothering to come up for communion. 

He’s immediately intrigued, finding his eyes wandering back to the man every few minutes. Once the service is over, he rushes to the back to change out of the decorative robe, returning the the front of the church to mingle with the parishioners, finding himself searching the crowd. 

Before long, even the most talkative of the group have trickled away, and no one is left behind except Sonny. He swallows down the disappointment of not being able to meet the visitor, instead choosing to hope to see him again.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this was short and boring, but it's just the very beginning of a very wild ride, so please be patient with me until we get to the good parts.


End file.
